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    My dating history was almost nonexistent, and that was fine with me. I was insecure and anxious about being close to anyone, let alone having sex. In the spring of , I met a woman on OKCupid.

    She was petite, with a kind smile and a voice so soft that it could melt all your troubles away. Her shock of red curls went down to her shoulders — and because of this, and the fact that we no longer speak, let's call her Ann.

    Ann was a few years older than I, wise and mature. She also, it turned out, spent her professional life beating up strangers for their sexual satisfaction.

    Mind you, this was not on her OKCupid profile. I was hesitant at first. At the time I found out, I was so far from my comfort zone that it was basically a dot on the fucking horizon.

    But this woman had caught my interest in a way no one ever had, and in the months following would go on to teach me things that I still value to this day.

    The first time we slept together, I was incredibly nervous, for a lot of reasons. If people are sexually active, I was the guy who bought a gym membership on New Year's Day and hit the treadmill twice before never going back.

    My anxiety was obvious. My hands trembled as they touched her skin, my voice shook as we whispered to one another.

    It's as simple as that. You're not here to impress me; you're not here to give a performance. Although they've played publicly and privately, Tetra only bosses Nicole around in a sexual way.

    You're kind of walking on eggshells around each other? As another performance begins on stage, Tetra takes a seat in the front row next to her boyfriend, then moves to his lap.

    Nicole hovers near the back of the audience on the right side, drinking her blue Gatorade alone. A man parades by her wearing only chunky black boots and a black garter belt, revealing the innumerable pink scars that crisscross down his back.

    When the scene ends, Nicole scoots up front and kneels next to Tetra, who is now squatting in front of her boyfriend.

    A minute later, when Tetra stands, Nicole stands. Nicole looks at her expectantly and then forces a smile as Tetra hugs and thanks one person and then another, then another, for coming by.

    She kisses the fourth well-wisher on the lips, grasping one woman's hand as she swings her arm around another's waist.

    Nicole stands a few feet away, her eyes scanning the room then flickering back at Tetra. She takes another step towards her new girlfriend and whispers something.

    They hug and kiss, briefly, but Tetra pulls away. Nicole turns around and walks off. A man whips out his iPhone and gestures to Tetra and another woman that he'd like to take photographs of them together.

    The two sashay onto the stage. Tetra grinds her hips onto the other girl's, who leans against a wooden St. Andrew's cross at the back of the stage, and they touch their tongues together for the camera.

    A third girl, half-naked, grips the metallic pole five feet in front of them, inverting her body as she wraps her legs around it like a stripper, dancing up the pole and out of the frame.

    News News See all. She knows how to be patient, but she will not tolerate mediocrity. It will make you look at the world differently, and you must be open and ready to hear it.

    Everything has changed in life, but not in the image of reality that we see at parties or on TV screens and billboards. There, men and women still present themselves as ideal objects of desire: firm breasts, an underlined waist, high heels.

    Or unshaven strong hands and muscles All of it is so exaggerated that it looks like a masquerade: as if everyone around decided to dress up as "real men" and "real women.

    Do we really convince ourselves? So it is, social psychologists and sexologists are sure. Since we pay so much attention to the external, it means that sexual self-identification is becoming increasingly blurred.

    Traditionally, a man was engaged in work: there he spent almost all of his time, but this gave him the dominant position in the family.

    Dominant woman in a relationship became normal. Now women make up the majority of workers. Male superiority has ceased to be undeniable, physical strength is not in demand, men spend more time with children, take care of their body and appearance.

    On the other hand, women, when making a career, often feel uncomfortable: they are embarrassed to earn more than men, but at the same time they do not have the right to take time off from work to do home and children.

    Such inner confusion cannot but affect the intimate life. When an independent, self-realized modern woman meets a man she dreamed about, it turns out that she Yes, he is ready to protect her, but at the same time he treats her patronizingly, insists on his own, considers himself to be the leader here.

    And she involuntarily thinks: "Who is he to tell me what to do? Women and men have become too similar. They study, work, share household duties, occupy the same positions, lead the same lifestyle.

    This brings them closer and makes them more understandable to each other After all, the nature of desire has remained unchanged: it still arises separately from our will and is looking for different things in our partner.

    It is the differences that attract us and excite us, and we just do not have them today. Any system is based on two forces: centrifugal and centripetal, experts say.

    In order for the family to take place, the partners must balance each other. The goal-oriented man is oriented outwards, he remains a classic "provider" in the pairing.

    The question is whether the woman agrees to the accompanying role. If passivity does not suit her, you can try to combine roles, which is quite difficult.

    Especially hard is to be the most energetic and independent: they do not know how to delegate their powers, they want to be always right, they are not ready to admit their weaknesses.

    Many "girls of character" choose the image of the fatal seductress already in their youth, which must protect them from disappointments.

    The Don Juan style implies a reluctance to recognize one's own and others' feelings and the ability to move from friendship to sex and back without mental suffering.

    It's a pity! And what about men? They still want to please women. They are worried that they will not be able to satisfy their partner, they are afraid that they will be compared to others.

    Many of them feel like a victim, a woman's toy, and therefore the sexual act inspires them with anxiety. If a woman does not cause trust or behaves too uninhibited, a man often prefers to retreat.

    The fact that women feel the same is not a secret for anyone, but when they express it without embarrassment, it still leaves men confused.

    If a man loves a woman and trusts her, then he dreams of being good in her eyes and therefore adjusts, yields, behaves as she likes Psychic bisexuality is one of the discoveries of Freud.

    It is thanks to it that in fantasies of both men and women there are images penetrating, dominant and passive, conquered.

    A man who likes it when a woman is in the prevailing position does not become feminine at all, experts say. And women do not mind to dominate, if you understand this as the desire to capture your partner.

    What is the forecast? Where are we going today, when the union of the two is changing before our eyes? Apparently, this is how a new model of relations is being created, which was not yet in the history of mankind.

    Yet it seems to be more and more popular, which means there is a reason for it, a demand, if you will.

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